Hinoya Tea House
Year 710?
710 was...
Uh...
Oh! "Seventh heaven in tender Heian-kyo"!
Wrong!
710 is Heijo-kyo.
Heian-kyo is "Sings the nightingale for Heian-kyo,"
Japanese History
so year 794.
That's too complicated! What's with this Heijo-kyo and Heian-kyo crap?!
It's clearly a trap!
That's what you get for only memorizing what's on the surface.
You need to start learning the details.
Heijo-kyo came to prominence during Empress Genmei's reign.
In the third year of the Wado era, she moved the capital from Fujiwara-kyo to Heijo-kyo,
where it remained until the third year of the Enryaku era,
when Emperor Kammu moved it to Nagaoka-kyo—
That's even more complicated!
What's the point of memorizing these dates?
It won't help one bit when I become a working member of society, anyway.
I daresay a guy that lazy would never get anywhere in the real world.
Think of it as self-training and start again.
I'd rather do some actual training, then.
I wanna be strong, like you!
Is that so? Then let's go with this...
I'll now throw a bunch of these cards and knives at you.
Before I throw, I'll name a historical event.
You'll collect the cards that make up the number of the year it took place,
while blindfolded and avoiding the knives by instinct alone.
You're just making things more difficult!
How am I supposed to sense the numbers by instinct alone?!
Here I come!
Wait a sec—
The Battle of Sekigahara!
Forget Dates, Remember People
This is weird.
Wasn't he studying history?
What, did the teacher abandon class halfway through and go, "Let's play dodgeball today"?
D-Dates alone are not enough to learn about history.
I thought I should teach him how Ieyasu actually fought at Sekigahara.
Uh, hasn't Ieyasu been crushed here? History's taken a whole new turn.
Well, did it work?
Which year did the Battle of Sekigahara take place?
S-Sixteen hundred knives...
He's memorized it in some weird way!
Forget the date, he's just had trauma etched into his memory!
C-Can you blame me?!
He just wouldn't listen to me!
It's all right, Tsukuyo.
You're great at teaching the Hyakka new techniques,
so I thought you'd make a great tutor as well, but...
Your personnel selection method is way too sloppy.
Save me, Gin-san!
I don't wanna study history anymore!
Let go.
I wanna take classes in health and PE!
Everyone's automatically capable of perfect scores in those
the moment they hit puberty!
Very well.
Let's do it right this time.
I'll now throw this wooden kokeshi doll and a bunch of knives at you, and you must—
Why are you trying to teach a kid how to fight wood?!
I'm sick of studying like that!
Actually, I've had it with Tsukuyo-nee!
I know! You teach me, Gin-san!
You went to a temple school, so you must know proper studying methods, right?
Hinoya Tea House
You little...
Why'd you drag me into your mess?
Come on, you're getting paid,
so let's just call it a little give-and-take.
How's the studying going?
Why don't you take a break?
I'm sure there'll be slices of cake in it for you, too.
Look, I'm sorry,
but if there's money involved, I can't half-ass things.
Aw, you're no fun.
A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, and he's gotta do it right.
All right. Open up volume ten of Hana no Keiji.
How's the studying going?
Why don't you take a break
forever?
Oh, n-no need for that. We were just about to begin.
What's the meaning of this?
What happened to slices of cake?
My head got sliced by a knife instead!
It's your fault for putting her in a bad mood with your whining!
We're really counting on you,
Korosensei.
She's calling me something weird now!
She seems ready to assassinate me at any moment!
I'm sure you've reached the Sengoku era by now, right?
W-We have!
The curtain was just raised on the warring states era!
Are you sure we should be jumping to the Sengoku era?
I don't have a handle on the eras before that at all.
Men can get by with knowledge of the Sengoku era alone!
Before that, it was just mostly-gorillas running around with spears in hand.
They're way too fuzzy!
What about the transition from Heijo-kyo to Heian-kyo?
That was merely a move from one cave to the one next door.
What?
"Sings the nightingale for you in Heian-kyo"?
7 Sings the 9 Nightingale 4 For you in Heian-kyo 794 - Relocation to Heian-kyo
No!
We've saved up 7.94 million, so why don't we move, honey? 794 - Relocation to Heian-kyo
"We've saved up 7.94 million, so why don't we move, honey? To Heian-kyo."
What kinda mnemonic is that?!
Then what about the Kamakura shogunate?
A move to the Kamakura snow hut next door to that.
They didn't evolve one bit in 400 years!
As if mere humans could ever evolve that easily.
Don't forget that they were mostly-gorillas.
After that, a bunch of stuff happened...
In 1467, the beginning of the Onin War marked the beginning of the Sengoku era.
That's way too drastic an evolution!
A bunch of stuff? What exactly happened?!
If I recall correctly, they got their hands on some overpowered technology,
but being gorillas, they started fighting over bananas or something,
leading to one of those "end of civilization" scenarios.
What?
1 Our 4 Forlorn 6 Sad 7 Society 1467 - Onin War
"Our forlorn, sad society: Onin War"?
Wrong!
1 One night 4 For all 6 Signs of civilization to 7 Shatter, eh, honey? 1467 - Onin War
"One night for all signs of civilization to shatter, eh, honey? Onin War."
Why keep asking her for confirmation?!
Still, I had no idea something like that happened to our planet.
Well, you need to at least study up on your own country's history.
Right, honey—
Which country's history is that, Korosensei?
Don't twist history any more.
What do you think you're teaching him?
Calm down.
Rather than learning details,
what's important is to make him develop an interest in history first.
Korosensei,
what happened to this country after that?
See what I mean?
Okay, let's keep going.
Anyway, the Ragnarok I mentioned earlier reduced Japan to nothing.
What's Ragnarok, now?
It's another name for the Onin War, dumbass.
So, once the country lost its rulers,
Sengoku generals popped up all over the place,
and waged bloody battle for the right to make it their own.
So that's the warring states era I've heard so much about.
That's right.
It's still somewhat off, but at least they've managed to get back on track.
I'm not great with dates,
but I do know about the Sengoku generals.
Oda Nobunaga and Tokugawa Ieyasu, right?
Who else was there?
The men considered the strongest in the era
were Takeda Shingen and his rival Uesugi Kenshin.
Who else?
Akechi Mitsuhide,
and Ishida Mitsunari...
Who else?
Wh-Who else...
Hey, who else?
And then there were mostly gorillas.
The gorillas were still alive?!
Wait a sec.
Weren't the gorillas wiped out during the Onin War?
Seita, you've got it wrong.
There was a Sengoku general named Toyotomi Hideyoshi, you see.
Due to his appearance, Nobunaga teased him by calling him "Gorilla."
Gintoki, that's what you were talking about, right?
Precisely.
But I thought Hideyoshi had the nickname "Monkey."
Monkeys, gorillas, and Hideyoshi are pretty much the same, anyway.
They all have crazy grip strength.
That's how Basara seized the nation!
The sword hunt he ordered to suppress the farmers
was actually a banana hunt, you know?
What?
It's not "our lands free of every enemy's sword: sword hunt"?
1 Our lands 5 Free of 8 Every 8 Enemy's sword 1588 - Sword Hunt
Nope.
1 One 5 Fine banana's 8 Extra 8 Enormous, right, goriest honey? 1588 - Banana Hunt
It's "One fine banana's extra enormous, right, goriest honey? Banana hunt."
That's just a gorilla through and through!
So Hideyoshi was a survivor of an extinct ancient species?
That's why Nobunaga valued him so highly!
What are you gonna do?
History's going off-track again!
That's not it.
Hideyoshi was actually known as a swindler
because he was was such a master at stealing people's hearts.
There's a story that goes...
One cold winter, Nobunaga put on his sandals,
only to find them warm for some reason.
He figured Hideyoshi must've been wasting time on his backside,
so he went to scold him.
But here's what Hideyoshi said:
"Forgive me, my lord.
I thought it wouldn't do for your feet to grow cold on this winter night,
so I used the ancient weapon, Excalibur Omega,
to heat up your sandals."
What kind of story is that?!
What the hell is Excalibur Omega?
Don't tell me, the weapon that destroyed the world was still around?!
The import of guns in 1543 was simply a fake-out to conceal the truth.
You're saying it wasn't "Our firearms will be funded by our treasury from now on: guns"?!
1 Our 5 Firearms will be 4 Funded by our 3 Treasury from now on 1543 - Import of Guns
That's right!
It was "One more female for the harem: from now on, you are my new honey"!
1 One more 5 Female 4 For 3 The Harem From now on, you are my new honey
What happened to the Excalibur Omega?!
Forget it!
If things go any more off-track, we'll never be able to recover!
Well, let's leave the Excalibur Omega on the sandals for now.
Nobunaga had another trusted aide aside from Hideyoshi.
That was Akechi Mitsuhide.
He was a man with talents that surpassed Hideyoshi,
but that caused a rift between him and Nobunaga
that would eventually tear the two heroes apart.
It led to the "15th Evening Treason, the Honno-ji Incident."
1 5th 8 Evening 2 Treason 1582 - Honno-ji Incident
Mitsuhide turned on his lord, Nobunaga, and burned him to death.
Oh?
Well, I've heard of that, so I don't really—
But that's just a fake-out.
In truth, it was just an explosion and fire
caused by Mitsuhide when he tried to rip off Hideyoshi's idea
and microwave Nobunaga's sandals to warm them up.
What?! That's what the Honno-ji Incident was?
Wait, was that microwave also Excalibur...
...Sigma, yes.
You're jumping to this side, too?!
It was the year 1582.
The mnemonic is "One fire engulfed those strawberry panties, honey."
1 One 5 Fire 8 Engulfed 2 Those strawberry panties, honey
Wait, Excalibur Sigma's just "honey" from earlier?!
If even you come to this side, how are we gonna return history to normal?!
So, what happened to Mitsuhide?
Hey, what happened?
Shouldn't that be obvious?
Only the Omega could stop the Sigma.
When Hideyoshi stood before Mitsuhide,
Omega and Sigma were fired, destroying the world.
But while it was the end of everything,
it also marked the beginning of it all.
That's how the world we live in came to be.
This is where our history truly begins.
So, Gin-san, Tsukuyo,
why don't you take it from the top, one more time?
Hinoya Tea House
Hey, lend me volume ten of Hana no Keiji.
From Me to Thou for me, then.
What do I do?
Who knows what'll happen if Sis ever finds these?
I really shouldn't have done this,
but I couldn't help myself.
Oh, sorry.
Pachi-boy...
When you get home, wash your hands first.
Hold it right there!
You've got it all wrong!
You Can Hide Your Porn Mags But You Can't Hide Your ***
Please, Shin-chan!
My family doesn't take too kindly to this kinda thing,
so I'd like to move these to a safe location for a while.
It's just a temporary thing.
And that's the whole story.
So it's not like I, uh, had anything dirty in mind for th-these.
Hey, I didn't ask for an explanation.
Well, I'm a guy, too.
Don't worry, I understand.
What exactly is it that you understand?
I get it, I really do.
Basically, "from now on, always knock before entering Shinpachi's room,
and never empty the trash in his dustbin without permission."
I just need to tell Kagura and Otae that, right?
What the hell are you trying to tell them?!
You don't get it at all!
Yeah, you gotta go through a Jump phase before you climb the stairs to adulthood.
I went through a Video Girl phase and stuff myself.
Don't lump the two together!
I don't see Jump through such vulgar eyes!
Then what?
Are you saying it's embarrassing to have Ho Love-ru?
I-It's not.
Owie!
Just that there are people out there,
like Taka-chin's parents, who focus on the naughty bits and get the wrong idea, right?
Look out!
Huh?
Even my sister's pretty strict about that stuff.
What is this, Shin-chan?
Ignore them. What would women know about Ho Love-ru's greatness?
In our modern society, where porn floods the Internet and phones,
and the rules and regulations keep getting stricter,
HLR still refuses to yield, and boldly shows nipples in Jump.
How much courage do you think that instills in the hearts of young boys?
It's nothing like the nudes crazy women put up on the Internet.
It's as meaningful as a pure idol taking off her clothes!
In the first place—
All right, all right!
I get how amazing nipples are, but could you keep it down?
Sis might hear us!
Anyway,
in order to protect those young boys' dreams from Sis and the others—
They're called the PTA.
Right.
In order to protect them from the PTA, they sadly have to be hidden somewhere.
What do we do?
What do you mean?
I'm sure you've hidden a porn mag or two before.
N-No, I haven't.
I've never even read stuff like that...
Hey! What are you doing?!
Oh, here? Quite the orthodox move.
Y-You've got it wrong!
I only collected these because they had Otsu-chan interviews!
And this over here's...
Hiding books among other books, eh?
That's not it, either!
Or is it so you can use the "I'm just randomly putting books
where there's space, it's not like I'm hiding them" excuse?
No!
I just had some empty space on my shelf, so I bought them to fill it!
You're naive, Pachi-boy.
Way too naive.
Your hiding places are the ones 98% of guys in this country
would think of first—the most cliched of cliches!
You can hardly call that "hiding."
It's the same as sticking them next to volumes of Dragonball!
Don't underestimate the PTA.
They only left you alive 'cause you lacked the balls to buy actual porn mags.
You're such a pleb that Young Jump packaging
and the lingerie pages of mail-order catalogs are enough to satisfy you,
so they never even took notice of you. That's all!
Did you have to reveal that?
Pachi-boy,
when you're looking to hide porn mags, what do you consider first?
Wh-Where they'd never catch anyone's eye.
Something like that?
That's where you go wrong.
No matter how you disguise it,
the very act of hiding something will make something seem off in the room.
And the PTA specializes in
sniffing out your nervous, guilt-ridden, and virgin stench.
The PTA's way too scary!
Don't hide porn mags in your room.
Use the room to hide porn mags!
If you remodel your entire room,
no one thing will seem off, weakening the PTA's sense of smell.
You must turn this room into a fortress that exists solely to protect your porn mags!
Is hiding porn mags that big a deal?
First, move the furniture around, and put padlocks on all the storage.
But that'd make it obvious that I'm hiding something.
It's just a fake-out.
Put something you value in there.
However, the PTA will definitely jump at it,
and as they keep prying locks open, their suspicion will fade.
You can hide the very act of hiding porn mags.
Talk about an elaborate ploy!
Why's this guy acting like some kind of porn-mag-hiding strategist?
But wait.
What if they immediately open the lock keeping the porn mags safe?
Oh, we won't lock up the porn mags.
Just casually put them in this bookshelf.
In the PTA's eyes, hiding something means you might as well be begging someone to find it.
So we won't hide them.
That is the best way to pull wool over their eyes.
The porn-mag strategist is overthinking things to the point of not making sense.
B-But what if they happen to find them?
Didn't I tell you?
This room is a fortress to protect porn mags.
In order for the room itself to hide the porn mags,
it'll take on a layout that matches the porn mags.
The PTA will never turn their attention to the porn.
Because they'll be busy focusing on you.
Are you kidding me?!
Instead of my porn mags, they'll find out about this outrageous fetish!
Like I said, the room will match the porn mags.
More like it's become a porno itself!
Who cares about the room? Don't lose sight of your cause.
You're the one who's lost sight!
Trying to hide porn with porn is stupid in the first place!
I'm trying to keep any and all perversion hidden here!
What? Really?
That's impossible.
There's no way to hide your perversion. I give up!
What's that supposed to mean?!
I'd be done for if anyone saw my room like this!
Well, you do have a point.
If you don't want your porn mags discovered,
the easiest way is not letting the PTA into this room at all.
I never said anything of the sort.
Is it possible, though?
That said, putting a padlock on the door would be too suspicious.
Rather than something to keep them out physically, we need a mental trick
that'll make them not want to enter the room.
Like this, then?
Nothing's changed from before!
Nobody'd want to set foot in here.
They'd be more like "sorry for interrupting."
Yeah, I bet!
I'd rather submit to a padlock on the door than to this!
Not "submit" like that!
Later.
Don't give me that!
Untie me! Also, the porn mag problem hasn't been solved at all!
Let's do this, then.
Sure, petty tricks like hiding won't prove effective against the PTA.
We just need to make it so they won't recognize porn mags even if they do find them.
For example, something like this...
You found this? Something might be hiding in the book shelf, too.
Good job finding this. You might find something under the tatami mats next.
Now, then. Where's the last one? On the desk, maybe?
Happy birthday, Sis.
Shin-chan...
As if!
What kinda birthday surprise is that?
Why portray porn mags as something romantic?!
This way, she'll be so happy, she'll forget all about finding the porn mags.
Like hell she will!
I'm totally giving her one as a present!
Then what about this?
Shin-chan?
What? What are these books?!
I'm sorry...
As if!
Why am I playing dominoes with porn mags?!
Why would she apologize there?!
The guilt of toppling your dominoes
will make her forget all about finding the porn mags.
Like hell she'd forget!
Seeing her brother like that would traumatize her for life!
I knew you'd say that, so I added a little trick to the dominoes.
Happy birthday, Sis.
"Happy birthday, Sis."
I'm telling you, enough about birthdays!
Shin-chan!
Seriously, that's not gonna happen!
That doesn't hide what it is!
Besides, this method only lets me hide porn mags on her birthday!
Every day, someone in the world is celebrating a happy birthday.
"Every day, someone in the world is celebrating a happy birthday."
Quit making poignant statements using porn mags! It's annoying!
Oh, Shin-chan!
What're people from all over the world doing here?!
Also, now my porn mags have been discovered worldwide!
Happy birthday, me.
"Happy birthday, me."
That makes me look really lonely!
Somebody show up already! Somebody come celebrate my birthday!
Jeez, I've been thinking about porn mags so much, I don't know what's what anymore—
What's wrong with having porn mags?
Why do I have to hide them?
Actually, what are porn mags?
What does erotic mean?
Is your brain fried?
You know, Ho Love-ru isn't even porn, right?
If you only look at the cover, you won't be able to tell it has fanservice, right?
Wait, could it be...
This could work.
Ho Love-ru Dragonball
What the hell? We were just overthinking things!
We jumped to conclusions and started thinking of all kinds of ridiculous things.
That's what you get for having perverted thoughts all the time.
That's just how it goes.
'Cause, really, all men...
...think with their dicks.
Man, thinking about all that crap wore me out.
Let's go get some tea somewhere.
Oh...
Shin-chan, Gin-san.
I brought tea...
We forgot to clean up the room.
Next Episode
At last, my 1LGK home is complete!
Next Episode:
A Mirror Provides a Frozen Reflection of Both Your Beautiful and Ugly Sides
"A Mirror Provides a Frozen Reflection of Both Your Beautiful and Ugly Sides,"
and one more.
At this point, the word "frozen"
only brings to mind one thing,
but this manga chapter was published first,
so we decided to let it go!